Les Dawson Funny Quotes And Sayings

Collection of humorous quotations from Les Dawson. This is the most popular funny quotes. let's look funny quotes from Les Dawson.

• I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last christmas she stood under the mistle toe waiting for someone to kiss and she was still there at lent. In fact she went to see that film the Elephant Man and the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.

• In awe I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebon void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang forever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought...I must put a roof on this lavatory.

• Tommorrow it's the mother-in-law's funeral...and she's cancelled it.

• Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

• I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.

• He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.

• The wife's Mother said, "When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave." I said: "Good, I'm being buried at sea."

• I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussard's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said, 'Keep her moving sir, we're stock-taking'

• I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite. You see the trouble is he's very old fashioned. When he gives you an injection you have to bite on a bullet.

• Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

• Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.

• I went to my doctor and asked for something for persistent wind. He gave me a kite. You see the trouble is he's very old fashioned. When he gives you an injection you have to bite on a bullet.

• My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

• He had ambitions, at one time, to become a sex maniac, but he failed his practical.

• I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enough.