Funny Steven Wright Quotes

Funny Steven Wright Quotes - Funny Quotes by Steven Wright and funny one liners by famous, infamous and not so famous people.

• I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.

• Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday'

• If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

• I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

• I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

• I bought a dog the other day...I named him Stay. It's fun to call him...'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd.

• Ever notice how it's a penny for your thoughts, yet you put in your two-cents? Someone is making a penny on the deal!

• My apartment was robbed and everything was replaced with exact replicas...I told my roommate and he said 'Do I know you?'

• You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.

• I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.